Likening the Scriptures to Myself

Subtitle
August 22: An Emotional Sunday

(warning: long post)
What a day. I woke up feeling so nervous--not afraid nervous, but, more like the feeling you get when you KNOW you need to bear your testimony in Fast & Testimony meeting. I prayed all morning to be able to control my emotions enough to be able to teach the lesson I had prepared--the one on Job. All too soon it was time for Sunday School. I could barely get through an apology about being emotional before I even started the lesson. I taught the lesson I had prepared and strongly testified about trusting in the Lord and about being blessed by the Lord during trials. Soooo emotionally draining, but I felt good about what I had taught. Next was priesthood meeting where Carson was ordained a priest by his Uncle Geoff. Surprisingly, I shed no tears (maybe they were all used up in Sunday School). I was so happy to see my son surrounded by the members of his quorum and his leaders as he was ordained.

After church, Geoff, Marla, & Jackie joined us for dinner before I had to rush off to get an ecclesiastical endorsement signed by the bishop. He asked me how I was doing and I told him I felt so relieved after such an emotional day and that I was going to go home and take a nap. He asked me what I was seeing him about and I explained that I was going to take a class at BYU this fall semester. I wanted to do some online computer classes, but have to be a student to have access to them. I decided that I could take a New Testament class and prepare myself a little better for my Sunday School lessons next year, and that way I'd be taking care of two things at once. After going through the questions for the endorsement, he asked me if I had a minute to discuss something else. Uh oh, that's never a good thing. He wanted to discuss the possibility of a new calling for me--3rd Counselor in the Primary Presidency. BOMBSHELL!!! (no nap for me now)

If you know me at all, you know I immediately began to cry. Here's an excerpt of the letter I wrote to Aubrey describing this discussion and the following days:

"You've got to be kidding me" is the thought that went through my mind immediately. Next was something like "Don't I have enough change going on right now?" Followed by, "That's really hard & scary--I'm doing lots of hard & scary things already." Of course it was a discussion, so I told him all of these thoughts. He shared with me what Sis. Waddoups (Primary President) had said. He also shared with me his thoughts about it and told me that he wanted to be sensitive to my situation--and that's why he wanted to talk about it first. I was in his office for about 45 minutes and when I left I had asked him to give me some time to think and pray about it. He was coming over later for home teaching and I had asked him to give Maren & Carson blessings for the beginning of school. I also asked him to give me one.

Of course, this was all very emotional for me (imagine that!) and very draining. I really felt like I needed to talk with someone about all this--I was really missing Dad. I spent all Monday afternoon at Cheryl's house talking with her, sharing my concerns, crying, etc. She lovingly listened and when I asked her what she thought she shared with me some really good thoughts. I had also emailed Papa that morning. Tuesday & Wednesday were spent at work, getting last minute stuff done for school, school, etc., but always in the back of my mind was this possible calling. I had been praying hard for an answer, but didn't have an answer yet. Thursday rolled around and I had decided to call Sis. Waddoups just to talk to her about the calling. She shared with me many things I needed to hear--I think that's how I got my answer. I was much calmer, less emotional, and could finally sleep at night again. I still didn't want to do it, but knew that I needed to try. So I told the bishop today that I would accept the calling. I still don't have any answers about the timing of all this (did I mention my Sunday School lesson last week was about Job?), but I am trying to put my trust in the Lord, again. It's still really scary to me and I know that it will be hard, but I said I would try.

So here's the "likening" part--I had just testified to my class about trusting in the Lord, yet just a few hours later when I was given an opportunity to put that into action I couldn't immediately do it. Sometimes I'm just like Laman & Lemuel. Thankfully, within a few days, I felt that I could put my trust in the Lord. I had asked the bishop to call me on Thursday evening and by then I was ready to tell him yes, he could extend the call and I would accept it. He didn't call that night and during the day on Friday I was feeling a little bit like maybe I could hide from the bishop for a while and all of this would maybe just go away?? Well, Sunday rolled around and I still hadn't talked to him. I went into Sunday School to find the lesson was on...Jonah. Hmmm, was I being reminded of something? I found the bishop after church, we had some more discussion and he did extend me the call to serve as the 3rd Counselor in the Primary Presidency and I told him I would try.

I don't know why this is supposed to happen now, but I am putting my trust in the Lord, just as Job and many others have done and will do my best, whatever that may be. And I'm still taking the New Testament class, JSYK.