Big Step

Today I took a big step.

I took Gary's name off the last of our joint accounts.

I don't know why I've waited so long to do this. I switched most of our accounts over to just my name within the first few weeks and months after he died. I needed to wait a little while on these last two because I was still receiving royalty payments in his name. But after a year, I really didn't need to still have his name on them. So why after nearly 3.5 years did I finally decide to do it?

I don't know.

But this morning I just decided it was time and if I didn't take care of it immediately, I may never do it. So I went to the banks and took care of it. I wasn't emotional or anxious or sad--just business like.

And now it's done.    sigh

I'm sure it was the right thing, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

Lagoon--April 2010

Kindness

Whether it's big or small, it's wonderful to be on the receiving end of kindness. I have been blessed to have received many kindnesses in my life. Yesterday I was so grateful for a very large anonymous kindness. I started crying on the spot--and I wasn't even embarrassed about it. (If you're reading this, my anonymous friend, big HUGS to you!)

The more I think about it, it's even better to be on the giving end of the kindness. And that's what my Savior would have me do to be more like Him, the ultimate giver of kindness.

African Style

From Yaounde', Cameroon:
This past week the other district had a baptism scheduled for Saturday. Elder Hatch & his companion turned the water on in the font Friday night and it was working fine. All the missionaries showed up 2 hours early to find that the water had shut off in the night (not an unusual occurrence) and there wasn't enough water in the font for a baptism. Being resourceful and hard-working missionaries, they gathered buckets and headed down the hill to a water source from a river. After several trips back and forth they were able to get enough water in the font for the baptism. The work will go on no matter what!

Carson said this was more tiring than he thought, and he still had to use hands. Most Africans carry things on their heads without holding it on with their hands. Pretty impressive!

Repairs

Why is it that when one thing in your house breaks, it causes a chain of other breakdowns??? Do appliances and other possessions feel empathy for one another, or are they trying to be just like everybody else, or even trying to one-up each other? Seriously, though, the past couple of weeks have been expensive ones around here. I've had two car repairs, a vacuum repair, a refrigerator repair, and my digital picture frame died. My water softener has developed a small leak which will now just have to wait to be attended to. My car is due for its 30,000 mile check and it's annual registration, homeowners insurance will be due this month, as will Maren's school fees. I was actually pretty much ok, not too stressed. I even light-heartedly "blamed" it on Carson having a baptism a couple of weeks ago. But the straw that broke this camel's back happened yesterday afternoon. My poor dog apparently has herniated discs. This will require several days of steroids, pain medication, and muscle relaxants along with 4 weeks of severe restriction of movement. That means he has to spend a lot of time in his kennel so he doesn't run, jump, or play, and only does a little bit of walking. We will have to carry him around the house and to the yard.(Oh, and the xrays showed that he has more bladder stones. They will do a test at his recheck on Friday to see if they need attending to immediately--surgery-- or if they aren't causing problems right now, then we can wait.) He has to go back in 3 days, and then again in week. If he isn't having significant improvement, he will have to have surgery on his back.

I guess the reason this "repair cost" got to me so much, was because it's not a thing, but our dog, who is a member of our family, that needed repair. And the fact that we just don't know if this will work. We are praying as a family that this regimen will help Dexter heal.

I feel a bit beaten down by all this, along with all that goes into everyday life of a single parent. But hopefully, I can get back on track with a few things that will help ME to "repair"--more regular scripture study and more regular temple attendance come to mind. More counting of the blessings I do have, rather than dwelling on what's missing or not working. More serving of others, rather than being self-centered. I think all of these things will help.

(And throw in a nap--that usually helps too)

From Elder Hatch

In Carson's letter this week, he included an awesome experience he'd had, along with his feelings about it. Sure makes this mom's heart swell to hear how much he's learning and growing.

From Elder Hatch:
"So earlier today, we did something really cool! We went up to Mount Fébé and stood at the place where Elder Holland dedicated Cameroon for the preaching of the gospel. And I don't know how Elder Whitesides got it, but he read the dedicatory prayer that he gave while he was atop this large rock over looking Yaoundé. It was beautiful. It made me so proud to be able to be a part of those missionaries who are lucky enough to be able to preach the good word in Africa. 

Is it easy? No. 
Is it worth it? More than anything else. 
Is there stuff that gets in the way of the Lord's work? Oh yea. 
Do we power through it though? But of course!

It was quite a beautiful prayer and then we sang 'High on a Mountain Top.'  It was really cool to stand up on that rock, look out, and think to myself, 'Wow. The Lord has trusted all of this city to 10 young men. That's it... And I'm one of them.' It was really powerful."

Yaounde' Zone at Mt. Febe overlooking the city--
Elder Hatch is the tall dude on the left

So Grateful...

... for my knight in shining armor who rode up on his white horse and rescued me.

... for being able to marry my knight in shining armor 27 years ago today.

... for temple covenants and blessings that mean I am only separated from my knight for the rest of my earthly life.

... for my kids who make me so proud to be their mom.

... for friends who help me through the milestones like today.

... for inner strength I didn't know I had.

... for weaknesses to keep me humble.

... for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me.

Three Years

Three years... how can that be? 

Three years since my world was turned upside down. 

Three years without my wonderful husband at my side. 

Three years of difficult situations faced alone.

Three years of single parenthood. 

Three years of wondering what's next.

Three years of amazing blessings.

Three years of comfort from both sides of the veil.

Three years of strength from deep inside myself.

Three years of knowing that God loves me and has a plan for me, even when I don't know what that plan is.